Stay Away..i Fear

Stay away, I fear…
your simplicity might consume my resistance,
My weaknesses laid, bared, made vulnerable,
and consequential truths be bowed unforbidden. 

You draw me closer to your presence,
And I will allow myself to be depleted,
I have stared long enough to be touched, swamped,
With inundations prompted by your smiles. 

I have shackled myself with visions of you,
Basking under the finitude of moments,
Depths of despair traded for thoughts,
thoughts of a kiss and a seizing gaze. 

Stay away, I beseech…
Away from you, I can be near.

at the corner of what could have been and what must be…

Her eyes were shades of what could have been,
Hushed blood gushing through tired veins,
Calloused thoughts of perpetual yearnings,
On a rocking seat of dismay, descending. 

Her every ties, her every lies, stood naked,
taunting and staring wantonly before her.
Of things that should and should not be,
Sighs and whimpers would be all that remain. 

Restless she becomes and wanting she remains,
Reminiscent of rains and sunny days,
She stood up and raised a fist, accepting
“I am ready, I am, all that I could be…”

No More

No more will I allow these days to ensue,
with pangs of guilt and mediocrity.
Over things I wish I had or knew,
Where time is of the essence and utmost value. 

I have wasted phases and chapters,
On fear and unnamed anxieties,
Now I stand and take the reigns,
Reach out, be proud, prevail. 

Of things I’ve done, I cannot undo,
things I’ve said may rebel, unaltered,
Yet in all these I find solace in,
my ability to change, to adapt, to be graced. 

Not a single breath will be spared,
On truths unchecked, unjustified,
I will muster enough strength to be,
and wake anyone who wishes not to sleep. 

I take this challenge of my challenge,
Rally amidst circumstances and manacles,
Not to prove that I have power,
but to acknowledge that I am weak. 

For in weakness I find myself wanting,
In wanting I find myself searching,
In searching I proceed undivided,
And in it I remain humbled.

Free Fall

Love, as in any victim of humanity’s tendency to corrupt, has been compartmentalized for convenience and abused to the point of it losing its very meaning – or should I say, of us failing to remember its true essence. There is a universal quality of Love that constantly resists our unceasing impulsion to dominate and to posses – and this reality is quite harsh for us to accept, so we mold a new face towards love; a rather familiar yet not as true to the form as it should be – a domesticated love would describe it better. If I give love, I demand love – and this is where the masses fall. Love is too great a topic to dive upon, so I’ll be narrowing my thoughts into Three ideas.

Love is, first and foremost, a response, not merely an expression, rather a disposition of the will to acknowledge that the other IS – and as we get to know this other we begin to love, we begin to commune, we begin to be shaped according to that which we love. We respond by perfecting ourselves because of this other. Love is not to spoil the other, but to embark on a journey to better oneself – for the other. This is how the possibility of loving someone without being physically together becomes possible…distance becomes powerless if I can love you without you. And you ask, how will you be able to express this love towards the other? I say, if you truly understand the concept of prayer, then you’re not quite far off.

We love because we’ve received love…directly or indirectly – there are no other explanations outside of this notion. All other are but interpretations of how love is received and not how love is given – the rest are but endeavors to romanticize, and therefore, append unnecessary trimmings so we could swallow it easier. EASIER – that is the word, but like things manipulated for convenience, love too can be dealt with indifference. . There will come a time when familiarity will come and seep in, and when that time comes, the enchantment of being “in” love may fade, and if we have not surpassed towards true and bare love by that time, everything will become unbearable and regret will definitely break you apart. When the feeling of being in love wanes, love must remain. That is why we must seize that we deem to prize quite greatly with each other and “unromanticize” it, leaving it grounded in reality and accepting it as it is without the “sweetness” of being in love…the irony is, once realized, everything about whom we love becomes meaningful, real, and sweet.

If the simplest form of love is charity, the highest form of love is letting go. To let go is not to leave nor depart, but to let the other be – to let the significant other become loved rather than demanding on what our love effects on the other. We love not for its effect on the other nor the benefits we will receive, we love because we are…and deviating from this truth will consume us and turn us into a vacuum that will suck the life out of the very person we love. To fully love someone is to become love, infect the other with this love, and let go…when it comes full circle and returns to you, this is what we call Communion.

If I am no longer afraid to lose you, then I’d be free in loving you…

With All Humility

Today I bleed because I choose to bleed,
To weep with not much thought to reason,
Bathing alone in nothingness and anonymity,
I willfully submit myself to angst.

To experience something, I need to embrace nothing,
And in it discover that all these are not for naught,
I open my eyes towards darkness, not to see
the light, but to know that my eyes can be opened.

I allowed the rain to fall down on me today,
And refused to succumb to its why’s and how’s,
I stood there, feeling, communing, just being,
For once, it questioned, and not the other way around.

Barraged by wanton honesty, Clarity,
Cutting me into so many pieces, I knew,
I must be still, be still, and let it be,
I cried without a tear falling –
but the rain did that for me.

Come! See! Feel! My testament,
Not for your amazement but for your cross,
I invite you as I am invited, the rain,
caressed as a much-needed Benevolence.

M.R.T. at 6pm

Falling in line… 

Wave upon wave we came,

Looking, Probing, Peeping, Hoping,

With thoughts of home and rest we queued,

Like clammy zombies for a ticket.

 

Getting in… 

Where the procession meets the opened doors,

Standing, Squeezing, Clutching, Enduring,

Inch by inch and mass by mass, shouting,

“Move! Heave! Just a little more please!”

 

Inside… 

Complete strangers by fate interlocked,

Swaying, Grasping, Clenching, Trusting,

Through every breath and sweat united,

Through every sigh and rant divided.

 

Getting out… 

Mustering strength spent through the day,

Shoving, Parting, Pressing, Overcoming,

The joy of seeing those opened doors, gaping

With a final thrust, re-birth.

 

Tomorrow… 

Wave upon wave we will come,

Hoping, Enduring, Trusting, Overcoming,

And as the clock strikes six, we are ready,

With thoughts of home and rest, to Succeed.

The Birth of a Poet

Let me wait for that perfect moment,
before pen strikes paper,
to understand that words use thee,
than claiming words to be thy own.

Let me seek through wanton thoughts,
in search for that precious word,
that never hesitates to touch,
and ever fearless with its hold.

Let me live through every breath,
breathing, gasping, panting, grasping,
in between heartbeats remaining,
penetrating random woes.

Of pains and fears I bow,
not in despair but in sheer awe,
Realizing raw truths unknown,
humbly accepting and being taught.

Let me wait for that perfect moment,
before pen strikes paper,
Like giving birth to light,the writer
absorbed within and pulled without.

Unshrouding

                There are things that a person may see…grasp…while there are things that he would simply miss – either voluntarily or due to his incapacity.   Nonetheless, it is a fact, we are limited by truth than the other way around.    

“If any man has ears to hear, let him hear.”  

                 Realizing this would be enough for any self-respecting human to develop prudence in the unshrouding of his witnessing – better yet, to be charitable in his declarations to a rather less critical and therefore vulnerable audience…wherein, being charitable is to invite the other to the same clearing, rather than branding truth as “that’s all there is to it..”, thus stripping the experience of its meaning.  

                Language is a tool to convey that the self has been invited to witness a reality…to share an encounter that the other may somehow have a glimpse of it and be enticed towards the same encounter…in need of simpler terms, experience will have to suffice for now – nonetheless, it still fails to capture the totality of this encounter…and what happens when all these experiences are shared with the other in the context of community? History                 

               

Silence

It is so easy to be overwhelmed by anxiety when silence is taken for granted or totally removed from one’s everydayness.  Silence, as not merely the absence of noise, rather, as a willful disposition to be still and listen.  Silence provides a leverage to found connections and manage fragmentations – traps that ensnare not a few… fragmentations are pitfalls that form detached truths and bigoted convictions that inevitably drag the self towards incoherence and detachment.  With it, one comes to fully understand that the self is essentially attached to reality – containing the power to break the divisive subject-object relationship albeit the means to establish it.  It is in silence where we find ourselves alone with the Alone.

Thrust

            I will consciously and deliberately gather all my strength to push through – to overcome…that most desirable characteristic of the human spirit to encompass reality and own it as its steward.   Regarding events and circumstances, I refuse to devote a moment of anxiety with that which is yet to come, rather planting my feet firmly and engaging myself with that which is presented upfront.               

               “These too shall pass…” is a sigh and a prayer that inhibits one from developing apathy and indifference towards present difficulties…contrary to how others may perceive this, as a passive resignation to things we do not have power over with, invoking these words is a firm decision to rise above situations.   As a decision, this should not necessarily be centered on the self alone – rather, the other must be fundamentally involved.  Thus, Thrust is not a show of self-sufficiency and being-superiority, on the other hand, it is a show of humility and “Servanthood “…a consciousness and awareness that we are truly a being-in-the-world.